Christmas ...

Christmas …

Merry bloody Christmas
Wherever you are
Whoever you are
Yah Christmas is great
That is if you have money in the bank
A roof over your head and 2.1 children
A dog and a cat
And 2.1 cars preferably 4x4's
Cosily parked on the drive
Keep up with the Joneses
Our turkey has got to be the biggest
Most vulgar and horrid thing
You ever saw on a dinner table
Fuck the turkey
(Ooh I forgot he is already stuffed…)
Mother is running around like a headless chicken
(I thought we were having turkey???)
In and out of the kitchen
Whilst father is busy looking
So very important having a tipple or three
To steady his hands
Ready to carve that genetically
Engineered thing called a Turkey
Oh my just look at those
Green balls!!!
Brussels sprouts
Real fart instigators….
All the trimmings such as
Sausages wrapped in bacon
The obligatory cranberry sauce
Stupid silly hats and crackers filled with
Tat and desperate jokes
As all sit down to eat
Mother is knackered
After weeks of planning stressing and paying for
The hand written cards –the hand wrapped parcels
And whatever else you comfortably can pay with plastic
Father has reached the state of
More than tipsy, groping the maid hired so conveniently
To serve up this feast of a carefully planned eating orgy
Merry bloody Christmas
When reaching the pudding
All eyes are firmly fixed on the carefully designed
And mass produced Accident called a
Christmas pudding…
Woo hoo who is getting the six pence?
Bugger I forgot…
Health and safety called …
Absolutely NO
Strange objects in the pud,
Someone might choke!
Ah well let's all get pissed
And pretend all is well
No wonder Jesus has left the building